Sunday, August 10, 2014

Day 222 - 365/2014

Day Two Hundred Twenty-Two

Gah -- I did it again...what I said I wasn't going to do anymore.  I agreed to do something that I had already planned to not do...I know I have the ability to say "no"...and at first I did...but then I got soft and said "yes" but what I meant was "I really don't think I want to do this"...but then the "you really could/should/ought to do this" started kicking in and I was mostly hooked.  But I have been avoiding getting started on it for a few days (even though I bought some supplies for it...even today)...but I am starting to resent it a bit and I don't want to feel like this and so I am going to undo my "yes"...and not allow myself to guilt-trip myself any longer.  I am moving on and going back to my original plan(s).

So I started to work on the big blue guy canvas.  I was considering outlining him in stitching (something else I was avoiding) and tonight shortly after I started piercing the canvas with that really sharp tool and a hammer -- the tip of the really sharp tool bent.  Figures.  Maybe this is the canvas's way of saying no, it's too much stitching.  I don't know.  

Okay -- so I am done for the night now.  I am frustrated and sweating and trying not to allow myself to beat myself up.  I really REALLY hurt from the other day (walking in the deep sand in the horse arena) and my allergies are also killing me...horrible throbbing, pounding, pulsing headache.  I am putting everything away for the night and I am going to calm down and relax and let go of stuff.  Exhale...

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